Things I want but don’t need

There’s a TV channel in Denmark that sends some awesome and thrilling cop shows. It’s pretty much the only channel that I watch. The downside though, is every hour they try to sell me crap that looks interesting, but is comically expensive and useless. 
 
 
The Derma Wand. 
 
It uses radio frequensees (or something) and can take years off your face! Wrinkles be gone!
I’m twenty, I don’t have wrinkles. Nevertheless, I want the DermaWand, because that 60-year-old chick looks fucking hot and she has been using the DermaWand. I’ll never buy it, that I know. But for ten minutes, it’s the best Christmas present ever. 
 
Any kind of Steam Cleaner.
 
Oh wow, look how easy and fast it is to clean that bathroom with just water! 
 
I hate cleaning; I absolutely loathe it and would rather stand naked in the town square singing ‘it’s my life’ by Bon Jovi. 
Anything that makes cleaning faster is a godsend. And those people just won’t stop smiling while using the super effective steam cleaner, so it must be fun too. 
Sure it might work, but so does some soap and a rag. I would probably be crying the whole time while cleaning, thinking about the money I spent for something I would lose interest in after using it once. 
 
It would be so cool to get that though, you can use it to get wrinkles out of shirts too!
 
The Nicer Dicer Plus.
 
Despite the cheesy name, I actually do think The NDP will help me a lot. I mean can you imagine slicing potatoes 11 different ways? The possibilities!  
I hate cooking. I wish I didn’t, I wish I loved spending hours in front of the stove, but I don’t. 
When I have all of the ingredients ready, I actually do enjoy it. For like 10 minutes. Then I mess up my planning and end up standing with four different pans that won’t finish at the same time. 
 
I would use this for salads. I love salads, but I hate making them. 
But really, when would I ever make a minestrone soup from scratch? Never. Ever. Therefore, it’s useless for me. 
 
I want many things that I cannot have/afford, but luckily, I forget about them until the next commercial. I’m broke and lose interest in new things fast. Until then, I’ll settle with moisturizing, soap and knives. Image
Look how happy she looks though. 

So here’s the thing. I have problems about the way I look, just like everybody have.

There’s bad days, good days and days where I want to end it all, because I can’t stand hearing what people are saying about me and my body anymore. I am overweight. And I truly mean that. I’m not one of those girls that freak over the fact that their thighs touch each other. Bitch my thighs have touched each other all my life. They’re best friends. Not trying to be a bitch, it’s just makes me angry when skinny girls complain about being fat, when us fat people dream of looking like you.

Anyway, my best friend knows about how I feel about myself. I don’t talk about it often, but he knows. I’ve been in a relationship for about two months now, and apparently my ex found out and decided to spam my email with “You’re fucking ugly. he will never love you. You’re fat. Cow. bitch.” And other things about my weight. He’s not a very nice guy and we only dated for two weeks.

I like to think that these words don’t hurt me, but deep down they do. I told my best friend about this (over email ‘cause he lives in america and I’m stuck in Denmark) It was a pretty long email, going from me being all sad then angry then pissed and then sad again. He just wrote back “You are beautiful.”

I had to laugh.

1.) I wrote him a three page novel and I get a three words reply.

2) He’s blind :)

I stated the obvious here. And this was what he wrote back (I copied and pasted, man so enjoy the words of my best friend):

Mie, I don’t have to see to know that you’re beautiful. I’ve known you for years now. I know how you react to different things. How you treat people. How offended you get when people don’t understand your sarcasm. How you can get lost in your own mind for hours. How funny you are. How fucking lazy you are. Even though you love being around people you just want to sit alone in your room sometimes. How you hate it when girls complain over being ugly when you think it’s not true. Then think that maybe they really have issues with themselves. Then you regret what you said. And then you’ll say sorry to the Facebook picture of them. How sometimes you pretend to be famous, then think that that’s ridiculous. Then you’ll look around to see if anybody’s watching you, and then sit back and keep dreaming. Yes, I know these things about you. I know you. And you’re clearly beautiful on the inside, and I can only assume that it shines through. Maybe I’m not the blind one here :).

Well this sucks.

All of my header pictures looks absolutely awful. But they were all I had — still have — so there’s really nothing I can do about it. Makes me sad :( At least new visitors will know that the quality of the photos are about as bad as rest of the blog. Enjoy reading crap.

I even have one that’s just black. Wtf is up with that? *sigh*.

(This was a rant, more to come I’m sure.) 

I Hate #6

The ‘Daily Post Limit’ on Tumblr. It sucks. Means that I can’t annoy my followers with pictures of cute puppys/kittens and the occasional one of George Clooney (he is so freaking hot.) Can’t start blogging again until three hours.

So now I’ll annoy you! :D

My Tumblr, if you’re interested. Also known as “my life”.

So Yeah…

I know I haven’t posted a lot here — not that anyone cares, I just feel the need to apologize to all of the ninjas reading this. I’ve been extremely busy, not by anything productive mind you, no I’ve been on Tumblr. Once you’re in, there’s no way out.

I’ve changed my theme 46675786 times the last couple of weeks, but now I am a nature/animal/food kind off blog. So if you enjoy looking at things that’ll make you go “awwww” or “ohhhh” Check it out.

It’s pretty much my life right now, yeah…

THIS IS MY TUMBLR. COME ON CLICK ME. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. TOUCH ME.

Porn

Believe it or not, at some point we actually got an assignment in school to write about porn. If it was my creepy coffee breath and “I F*CKING LUUUUV POTATO PRINTS” art teacher that told us to do this, I wouldn’t have been the least surprised. But no, it was my 60-year-old Danish teacher who also manned to library doing breaks (it you placed a book in the wrong section she would eat you), that told us to do search up on some porn, write a fucking three page novel about it “and remember links”, <- that made me question the intent for this assignment. Turned out later that she meant links for articles that we used, not the actual link to a porn site. I found that out the hard way. She didn’t finish telling us everything before the bell ringed, and said that she would tell us all about it the next day, and that we would have a week to do this. For the first and last time in my life, I actually wanted the class to keep going. I didn’t want it to end. I fucking wanted to know more about this porn assignment.

I was around 16 or 17 when this happened, and it was in my final year of school. We had been doing a lot of exam stuff, and hadn’t really had to write a paper, wich I loved by the way. I believe I’ve already wrote a post about how annoying I was on that subject.

It’s important to understand that I knew about sex. I hadn’t done it, yet, but I was very educated about it. Was it because my parents sat down and told me about the birds and the bees? No. I actually really want to know how that story goes. Anyone know it? Please tell me. I’ve always wondered. It was because I have three older siblings. Two boys, and one sister who loved boys. I used to share a room with my big brother who is five years older than me. Bunk beds. I had the top one, because when you say “Moooooom” in a really loud pitched voice, you get what you want. One day his friend was over and I was told that if I didn’t stay in my bed, my dolls would come alive at night and eat me. I obviously believed him, I did have some pretty creepy dolls. And before we would sleep he would tell me that he heard them planning my death.

My brother was playing some kind of a game on our Nintendo 69 remember that one? His friend then climbed up to sit in my bed so that he could see better. He said that and my brother replied “what you wanna fuck her?” He then laughed and his friend was all like “ew no. Gross!” I should tell you that the danish word for this is ‘Knep’. The next day at school I told my friend this, and she said: “He wanted to ‘knipse with you?” ‘Knipse’ is the word for snapping your fingers. They don’t even rhyme, but apparently that was what made the most sense to her. That was when I realised that I knew way too many dirty words for a girl my age. So I behaved. I acted innocent, wich would backfire, and I got teased for not knowing about such dirty things. If they only knew…. Well, they would probably be disgusted.

Oh yeah the ‘Porn Assignment’. Totally forgot. We was to do research on why people watched porn, what it did for them (obviously makes them feel good, duh) and if girls watch porn as well. Stuff like that. I’ve never really watched porn like that. Sure I’ve stumbled on some frisky pages, but I never went to one for a purpose, if you know what I mean. I have though seen a porn tape, well only a couple of seconds of it. But, yes a tape. I came home from school one day, and wanted to finish watch a movie I saw in parents bedroom before my mother told me to go to bed. So I just pressed play. But it was not my Barbie dancing movie that came on. It was two people having sex. Stunned and scarred for life I quickly turned it off and sat in my room disturbed at how my Barbie film could turn into something like that. It wasn’t until later that I realised my father had a pretty good night.

So yes, I knew about porn, sex and dirty words. I would’ve written an awesome paper about all of this. The fantasies maybe a fetish and other stuff that people visit porn sites for. The quick relief, or maybe a girl being curious. Don’t even get me started on the gay porn, I would’ve written a freaking poem for that. But I did none of that, because I was innocent, remember?

-Mie.

(I don’t feel good about putting this post in the family category….)