I don’t know if I’ll ever be good enough. I don’t even know what good enough means. It’s just, all of a sudden I’m filled with these insecurities. Will I ever be good enough to get a job, will I be good at that job? What about a husband or wife? Will I ever be a good wife or mother? I am only 18 years old, and I really shouldn’t be thinking about these things, and it’s not like I do it all of the time, but sometimes I just feel utterly useless and starts to question every motherfucking thing. It’s not healthy for me, the rest of my day or sleep will be affected by it. I just can’t shut my brain up.
When I was younger I obviously didn’t have these thoughts, I did however lie awake thinking about all of the things I hated about my body. Whenever I see, hear or read about girls that complain about their bodies, saying stuff like: ‘I really should lose some weight! I hate my thighs! I can’t reach around my wrist. I AM SOOOO FAT, OMG.’ I get so fucking pissed, because there is nothing wrong with these girls, they don’t know what it’s like to buy the biggest size there is. To hear your mother say; but, Mie, are you sure they have that in your size?? Or when your so-called friends say; she was really fat, no offense Mie, but like not like you, she was fatter!
I’ve never ever complained about my weight in front of people or on Facebook. I never say it out loud. And when these skinny or “normal” girls do, I am afraid that my body will never be good enough. Whatever that means.